Waiting for love…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 21st, 2017 at 9:08 AM and is filed under Becoming

“Pause to find the love in your center of being, before reacting or reaching to anyone outside of yourself.”

—Gail Kauranen Jones, Transformational Leader/Coach, Wellness Pioneer and Author

 

Waiting for love is a skill. Sometimes it means unraveling all our inner blocks conditioned from early years before we can open our hearts to others. Other times, it means zipping our lips, and centering within, until we can find the kind words to say to another.

Unfortunately, many of us were taught love as a “trading behavior” which looks like this:  If I do this for you, you will love me in return. I recently heard a woman in a group I attended say she so wishes she could meet her life mate so he could help her with the tasks of running her expanding business.

It is nice to get physical support. Two people are often stronger than one. I remember for many years as a single mom, with a large property to care for, craving such help. In fact, “acts of service” are one way people express love, according to the popular book, The Five Languages of Love, by Gary Chapman.  Yet, the more this woman talked about her need for help from her physical exhaustion, her pleas for love appeared to be more about seeking a rescue and looking for what she could get, versus give. Coming to love as an empty tank rarely helps us attract right and healthy partnerships.

If we learn to BE love first, and extend ourselves to another from that place of centeredness and peace, we can open to unconditional love. According to the Loving Groups of Phoenix, Arizona, which I attended for six months as research for my book: “Unconditional love means “unconditionally caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves.” All else is imitation love, the group’s loving guidelines claim, stating:There is only one kind of love—unconditional love. Everything else is counterfeit. Anything we use for a substitute for unconditional love is imitation love. Through no fault of our own, few of us have either received or given much unconditional love, and without it, we have a terrible void in our lives.”

I knew that void very well. In younger years, I used to think someone outside of myself could make me happy. Or, that if I was just “good” I would be loved.   Like many other people-pleasers, I exhausted myself trying to prove my value by continually responding to others’ needs at the expense of my own. In the end, that approach wore me out, depleted my resources, and got me sick.

I spent a lot of wasted energy tiptoeing around others in fear of rejection. Or worse, I did too much reaching, pleading, and overcompensating by trying too hard to “win” others’ love. Giving away my power in that manner made me a doormat, and sadly, an easy target for others’ anger or disappointment.

As I claimed my worthiness and got smarter (or so I thought), I began speaking up. I would no longer live my life as a doormat. My needs mattered, and I was surely going to voice them. I set appropriate boundaries with those who mistreated or misjudged me, or who did not see me in the ways I needed to be heard, acknowledged and validated.

With the wisdom of years, and the deep faith journey that helped heal my exhausted body, I’ve learned another technique to deal with others’ unloving behaviors: I now pause, and wait until I can respond with love. The tone of my voice, and others’, has become increasingly important. Harsher tones, often expressed in quick reaction versus a thoughtful pause, seem demanding or judgmental. Criticism and being told what I do “wrong” now make me cringe and withdraw instead of stepping up to the plate like I used to do when challenged. By speaking softly and slowly, even when firmly declaring one’s wishes, we are often heard more.

In that pause of “waiting to BE love,” I now try to see the situation through the other person’s eyes. Practicing unconditional love, and accepting others, takes both vigilance and discernment. We can love those who hurt us AND also choose to step aside from the angry darts they shoot our way.

When I step aside now, I pray for those who hurt me and honor the space of discord as a time to send and receive blessings. Then, I surrender. I did my part by choosing to center in love. The rest I need to release; I cannot control another’s response.

It helps to know another’s “attacking behaviors” often have nothing to do with us. Rather, “attackers” are frequently hurting from a wound of early years, or stressed from a current life challenge not related to us, and they end up projecting that pain onto us, I learned from attending the Loving Groups.

I suspect many of us also have been on the other end and played the role of attacker at some vulnerable or stressful moments in our own lives. We all get triggered and sometimes it is easier to blame others than accept responsibility for our behaviors.

Often, the attacker is really a person in great fear, who lashes out to try to intimidate or frighten people, I learned in the Loving Groups.  This rush of power by attacking helps the attacker feel less helpless and afraid. Attacking behaviors can include:

  • Anger
  • Irritation
  • Feeling “hurt”
  • Expressing disappointment
  • Criticizing others
  • Insisting on being “right”
  • Sighs and other non-verbals
  • Sarcasm
  • Passive aggression like being late or “forgetting” to do something
  • Being defensive

It takes a lot of patience and strength initially to step aside from others who trigger us and instead center within ourselves for love. The “trigger” can be a family member, friend, significant other or even a telephone or electric company customer service representative who seems incompetent or leaves us on hold for way too many minutes we don’t have to spare.

Yet, can you imagine what a more beautiful world we would experience if we began every day with the intention to love all those placed in front of us, and to wait and center within to the love that is our birthright before responding to anything?

Waiting for love and pausing requires listening with care and concern, before we assert our needs.

This spring, I’m offering a special six-week special coaching package. Come step into the quiet with me, be heard and seen in powerful new ways, and learn the art of purposefully pausing to expand your heart in love. Sign up by March 30 to receive a discount.  To learn more, please email: gailjones@supportmatters.com or call 978-325-1911.

In loving patience,

Gail

The above photo of the dove “waiting” out the wind while enjoying the warm sun was taken in the backyard sanctuary of my friend Margaret Armstrong’s Albuquerque, New Mexico home. Margaret is an ordained minister with a passion for photography and travel.  I am grateful Margaret chose to share one of her latest treasures with us.

MAJOR UPDATE NOTE FROM GAIL: Talk about “waiting for love”: After FIVE YEARS, I just completed my manuscript “Cancer as a love story: Developing the mindset for LIVING” on the same day I got a clear body scan from breast cancer.

The book details my healing journey using the latest in neuroscience and other unique and powerful resources that help train the mind to heal the body.  I hope my book helps millions at diagnosis, or better yet, may it serve as a preventative tool so instead of one day hearing the dreaded “C” word for cancer, the focus is on “C” for care and compassion to stop one from becoming ill.

The book is now sitting on an editor’s desk, awaiting the resources for it to be fine-tuned into the excellent end product to which I am committed. I am in deep prayer for the final $3K-plus needed, after investing all I had (and more than I had) in time and money these past five years to honor the task that came as “a calling” in the middle of the night.

If you feel inspired to make a donation towards the final book expenses, I would be glad to reference your name as a contributor in the acknowledgment section.  

To make a donation, you can email me at gailjones@supportmatters.com for my snail mail address or use PayPal. 

Also, because the power of choosing love over fear is critical in helping all of us LIVE full lives—whether we had cancer or not–I’ve opted to make my “living from love and worthiness” section of the original manuscript a separate book. It is my hope within the next several months you will be able to purchase TWO books from me.

Thank you for your continued support and encouragement. I am so excited to share the deepest and most profound lessons of my life with you. The world needs our love more than ever…let’s keep elevating how we share it.

Blessings, Gail

 

 

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailFacebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Tags: , , , ,

20 Responses to “Waiting for love…”

  • As usual, Gail, beautifully written and expressed. You embody the meaning of love shared with the world around you. You’re a great human being.

    Keep up the great work!

  • Gail Kauranen Jones:

    Thank you for your kind words, Dick. To be respected as “a great human being” is quite an honor. I hope to continue integrating and sharing living from love in even more profound ways in the days ahead. Bless you, Gail

  • Sharon:

    Congratulations Gail!

  • Gail Kauranen Jones:

    Thank you so much, Sharon…it means a lot coming from you, who witnessed so much of the latest stages of this healing (and love) journey. Blessings, Gail

  • Beautiful post, Gail. Love is definitely where it’s at and this is a good reminder to not let our “stuff” get in the way. I have to remind myself to keep it all in perspective when Cynde and I get out of sync in our communications. Our goal is to just love one another where we are at in that moment and stay away from trying to change each other. Not always easy…

  • Wonderful summary of an incredible journey, Gail. I know the many dark nights of the soul you experienced will be worth it as you will inspire countless others to follow your path to truly and wholly LOVE unconditionally. I’m happy to support your final push and will send through my donation!

  • Gail Kauranen Jones:

    Thanks, Craig: I appreciate your sharing how you and Cynde keep love alive by respecting the moments and not trying to change each other. It reminds me of a sermon I heard recently where the pastor said LOVE IS FREEDOM. Unconditional love is not always easy as you note…it often takes a lot of discipline and patience. So happy that you two wonderful people are thriving in your relationship. Blessings, Gail

  • Gail Kauranen Jones:

    Lisa: Thank you for your generous heart and spirit, and remarkable insights I’ve gained from listening to you through the latter parts of my healing journey. Your respect and understanding for the challenging inner work it takes to shift into living life as a creator, versus as a victim, helped sustained me during some trying moments. It requires a lot of stamina and courage to stay on the new course, and I feel blessed our paths crossed when they did. To honoring our pioneering spirits, with deep gratitude, Gail

  • Cynde denson:

    Gail, beautifully written. I concur with my wise husband Craig. Here’s my 2 cents: In my experience, I am not sure that purely unconditional love is even possible between human beings, at least while we are on this earth plane I do believe that the intention of unconditional love is possible and with it all the behaviors that allow us to be imperfectly perfect:
    -vigilantly becoming the mindful observer of our own behaviors and “stuff”
    -owning it when we screw up
    -forgiving ourself and the other
    -bring true to one’s own needs so that we can then attune to the needs of another
    -maybe we can meet them, maybe not

    I could go on and on but I won’t. The quote from love story “Love is never having to say you are sorry” set us up for a lot of pain, in my humble opinion.

    So much love to you and luck on this continued journey.

  • Wayne Benenson:

    Gail,
    Well said. It echoes what Masters from the past (Lao Tzu, Kahil Gibran) & present (Dr. Wayne Dyer, Pema Chodron) say. When one finds their own place of deep love of self, an unconditional love from their core, he or she surrenders to the divine and truly lets go of attachments & expectations. Ooooh, such a sweet feeling that . . . albeit not always long lived. Glad you have found this place.
    Hugs – Wayne

  • Gail Kauranen Jones:

    Cynde: I appreciate your valuable insights, particularly about accepting responsibility for our own behaviors and forgiving ourselves and others. A tolerance for mistakes and imperfections is definitely needed while we “intend” unconditional love. Thanks also for your consistent loving support on this journey, where my life was redirected on every level, all in the call to “serve” I believe. To the evolving script–even if it doesn’t look like the line from Love Story:)…Blessings, Gail

  • Gail Kauranen Jones:

    Wayne: Love your reference to the masters and your wise insights about the often temporary nature of reaching the sweet space of unconditional love…’tis a journey to live from it consistently, but one worth committing to, for in the end, what truly matters, is how much we loved. So grateful for the many champions and friends in my life also practicing BEING love for each other. Bless you, Gail

  • Karla Birkholz:

    You’ve learned and taught so much about love and healing. May you and your book be a gift for love and healing for many thousands!

  • Gail Kauranen Jones:

    Thank you, Karla, for your observations and good wishes on my book touching thousands. Gratefully, Gail

  • Jess:

    Gail,

    I love this……….
    Thank you, this is so spot on. I have had so much peace and contentment in this releasing and time of breaking free. Sometimes I get lonely and fearful. But then I just keep pressing into the Truth. I want to be complete and a whole, or as much as possible and not depend on someone’s love to complete me. To be complete and content and rest in the joy of that! I have been experiencing His Love for me as I open myself to it in some beautiful and unexpected ways. Like you have said to me, when we can identify a block or what blocks that thing we seek,then we can change it. To offer unconditional love, even to those who hurt us, grieve us or deeply offend us……Yet at the same time operate in that place of worthiness!! I heard this recently: To find and use our authentic voice, stand and operate in our authentic calling, is like a magnet for the resources we need to fullfil it.

    Much Love and blessings,

    Jess

  • Gail Kauranen Jones:

    Wow, Jess, thanks for your courageous and vulnerable sharing of your heart opening to greater love. These are exciting times, for as more and more of us commit to removing our blocks (which often entail feeling and releasing negative emotions) and begin vibrating at higher levels of love (500 or above on Dr. David Hawkins’ scale of consciousness) we can impact thousands. I am so grateful for people like you, and the others I meet through the meditation groups I teach, along with my coaching clients, for “doing the work.” That work will contribute to making the world a better place. In teaching concepts around “energy as medicine” in my book, I believe it cannot be said enough: LOVE IS THE GREATEST ENERGY….from love we all become magnets for the resources we need as your describe.
    Bless you friend. Love, Gail

  • Lisa Langaker:

    Unconditional love – everyone wants to be cherished. But human devotion isn’t always dependable. Even the most stable relationships change over time and that’s why I am so thankful that God’s love is so different – it never changes. That’s the kind of love I want to mirror in my life!

  • Gail Kauranen Jones:

    Lisa: Thanks for sharing your spiritual perspective…and you certainly shine a beautiful light with all the lives you touch. Bless you, Gail.

  • Scott:

    Great post Gail! Keep up the good work–we are enjoying it.

    Scott and Roseann

  • Gail Kauranen Jones:

    Thanks Scott and Roseann: It’s been great fun to share this journey to an elevated life with both of you. Blessings, Gail

Leave a Reply

Subscribe To My Blog


 

WHAT'S NEW in 2016:
Change Your Life Story
changeyoulifestory    
What is the #1 hidden belief that thwarts success and often lands people in financial debt?

Click here to find out






Previous Books by Gail Jones

To Hell and Back... Healing Your Way Through Transition

Thanks for reading my blog. Free shipping.
Order your copy for $18.95.

Let Me Coach You!
Follow Me!