September 24, 2008 |
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Monthly Support For Manifesting Change Helping You |
Teacher, Author & Life Coach |
DETACHING INTO BLISS
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“Humility is what happens when you’re caught and exposed to yourself, and you realize
that you’re no one and you’ve been trying to be someone. You just die and die into
the truth of that. You die into what you have done and who you have been, and it’s a very
sweet thing; there’s no guilt or shame in it. You become totally vulnerable like a little
child. Defense and justification keep falling away, you die into the brilliance of what it is
real….There is such a sense of thankfulness for no longer being the person who thinks
she knows and who has to live life out of that limited, claustrophobic mind.”
From A Thousand Names for Joy…Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are
By Byron Katie
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This past year, and summer in particular, has been one of the most deeply transformational periods of my life. Unraveling from old stories of who I thought I was, and what I’ve been, to who I am becoming has taken me through some inner mazes of emotion to gain some profound insights. The possibilities seem endless and beautiful as I embrace this clean slate I created by re-connecting with myself, and intentionally releasing all thoughts and limiting beliefs that no longer serve my highest good. I also let go of a behavior, which was to “reach” for what I wanted. No more trying so hard, attempting to pry people open who are closed, or thinking I need to convince someone of my worth. There now is a certain ease, respect — and even flow — among the connections in my life. Spending retreat time — which included several long weekends and one full week — at my friend’s Plum Island beach cottage helped bring my mind, body and soul into alignment. Solitude, journal writing and long beach walks were balanced by socializing with old and new friends. Moments fluctuated from joy and relaxation to the painful release of one of my own false beliefs. Some of my friendships deepened; others took a hiatus. I gained new clarity about what sustains my feelings of well-being. As I’ve come to accept gentler parts of myself, I’ve attracted more people with warmth and empathy. Harshness no longer intrigues me as a learning tool, although I bless those who thought they were helping me with their criticisms even though they couldn’t deliver their perceptions in a way I hear best. Each person or opportunity I encounter is now a delightful learning experience. Some people I’ve crossed paths with recently helped me lighten up and laugh more. Others validated my wisdom. Sometimes I have been the messenger who is brought to teach another a concept; other times, I am meant to learn something from that person. Often these days, it’s an equal exchange. I like how Byron Katie describes the concept of non-judgment in her other book, “I Need Your Love — Is That True?” She says, “When your mind is open, your heart is open. You can’t have one without the other.” I accelerated the opening of my mind by continually evaluating and eliminating thoughts that no longer served me. Then, I set aside “open space” in my life to shift between old and new ways of being. When I awoke confused one morning on vacation, I jumped out of bed and went for a two-hour walk through back roads before landing on the beach where I sat and watched waves crash and the sun glisten on the ocean. Then, I bought myself a delicious country breakfast, read the Sunday paper, and met up with a friend later, feeling blissful from creating a series of joyful moments that shifted my angst to greater peace and clarity. I sustained my contentment of living in a more relaxed beach mode this month by practicing daily being in the moment. When chaos returned — as it did a few weeks later as my dog awoke lame from Lyme’s disease, my daughter’s new box spring couldn’t fit up the stairs to reach her bedroom, and my son got locked into the computer room all on the same day — I found both practical and internal resources to sort through the challenges. These mishaps led me to new or deeper friendships with people I relied on to help me. As a result, I finally let go of an old story and a false belief I held most of my life, which was: I have to do it alone, there is no one to help me. People have enjoyed helping me, and in my accepting their assistance, I have become further endeared and bonded to them. Self-reliance may build our confidence, but healthy interdependence fuels relationships. Mutual care is a wonderful enriching experience. Increasingly, as I integrate the new belief that others will support and provide for me, miracles continue to occur. My daughter was just given a dream opportunity without paying the exorbitant training costs I couldn’t afford. She attracted this within days of articulating her desires. My son also manifested a lawn mowing job with our new neighbor simply by asking for it. They are contributing to our family without my having to do it all, and relishing their independence, too. The quality of the relationships with my clients has risen as well. So many now, in pursuing their dreams, come to me with high standards of excellence and a desire to be of service. Their ability to pause and stay in places of NOT KNOWING longer reflects back to me the lessons of my journey. I feel blessed by their gifts of patience and their trust in me to collaborate with them as they release inhibiting thoughts or beliefs to create anew. So, as I say good-bye to the woman I thought I was based on old stories created in early childhood of being alone and unprotected — and stand in the humility of not knowing my next steps — I trust I am being guided moment by moment. And, I now know at a very deep level that others are “there” for me. Sometimes I need to let them know my needs and ask for their help. Other times, I can appreciate when they more quietly cheer me on as I handle a task on my own. Love hovers all around me these days as I exude it from within. The more I let go of “how” life will support me and my dreams, the larger my circle of possibilities becomes.
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| Featured Article | |
Listening with Wisdom |
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Letting go of “how” your life will unfold requires listening more attentively with all your senses. Rather than attempting to control or will an outcome, listen to your body, example. When I was once very harsh and critical of myself, I attracted people who were very harsh and critical of me (and I now understand that these people were very hard on themselves which is why they projected these behaviors onto me). Now, when I’m in the presence of someone who lacks warmth or empathy, I feel the discomfort in my body. I literally “tighten up,” knowing that I am no longer in alignment with that type of energy. In listening to my body’s signals, I distance myself more from that type of engagement. Other times, as I listen more attentively, I hear signals about what directions to take. I may continually hear the same message in conversation with many different people over a week’s time. The need to rest was one that seemed to crop up from various individuals frequently as I embarked upon summer and later committed to take time off to nurture my soul. Sometimes, if we look at who is collectively placed in front of us, we can listen in a new way to what similarities we share with others that may bond us. In working with fifteen other women in my part-time marketing job at an interior design firm, I have become acutely more aware of my femininity in ways I did not notice in the all-male environments I worked at years earlier in my high tech PR career. There is a different energy, and sometimes varying ways to communicate, being around all women than all men. I listen, too, to the opportunities that don’t seem to be working as they should, and take these as signals to reroute. The day after the financial markets' upheaval last week was not the right time to make sales calls for my marketing job. After the first two people I spoke with seemed dismayed and stressed, I chose not to push through any more resistance, my own or potential clients. Instead, I opted to work on other projects until the markets settled down. Sometimes, a person’s eyes or touch tells us more than their words, as does our own intuition. Whenever I have a gut response to something or someone, I trust it. I refrain from making any further decisions until I have fully honored my gut instincts. Sometimes, by taking my time and not rushing to conclusions, I have been pleasantly surprised by the connections that have evolved. When a date feels “flat” on more than one consecutive occasion — and the other is doing all the talking without asking any questions that would feel mutually engaging, I listen to the cue that this person may indeed be too self-absorbed to enjoy fun companionship. There are times in life, for example, when someone is grieving or in job angst, that he or she cannot be as emotionally available to others as they may later be. The most powerful way I’ve learned to listen with wisdom is to PAUSE. When my children are talking, I try to stay silent longer to hear what they are saying from their perspective, to learn how a 16-year-old or 12-year-old thinks. Most importantly, I pause to respect their uniqueness and to honor them as separate individuals rather than as clones of me or what I’d like them to be. Pausing also is a great opportunity to break a pattern that no longer serves us. By listening more carefully in the silent spaces, we can discern if this person or opportunity is representing something in the past that no longer works for who we have become. Or, perhaps we joyfully discover in the pause that this person or opportunity is in sync now with our needs and values. |
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Belief Tips Of The Month: |
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Here are some beliefs that helped me find peace amidst change:
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COMING NEXT MONTH: October’s feature article will be “Celebrating New Life Stories.” |
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To contact Gail: |
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