November 19, 2008 |
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Monthly Support For Manifesting Change Helping You |
Teacher, Author & Life Coach |
HUMOR GROWS US, TOO
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“Humor simultaneously wounds and heals, indicts and pardons, diminishes and enlarges;
it constitutes inner growth at the expense of outer gain. And, those who possess and
honestly practice it make themselves more through a willingness to make themselves less.”
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- Louise Kronenberger
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Interesting to me, as I look around at all the newer vehicles on the road or in a parking lot, most of them (including my new car) have a gray tone to them. Perhaps I’m just seeing the similarities because of my recent purchase. Regardless, the color gray, while considered in some circles as representing stability and practicality, also is associated with loss or depression. Gray is said to affect us physically and mentally by stirring up either unsettling or expectant feelings. Energetically, I see gray as reflecting the bridge between our tumultuous economic and political times of late to the new world we are all creating, where increased lightheartedness and compassion are being called forth. Coincidentally, as a coach who helps people heal, I am referred to as a “light worker.” Sometimes, to reach that lighter side of life, I walk clients through some deeper, denser energies before they fully claim the inner joy and love that resides within us all. Yet, increasingly—probably because I am now mothering a teenager-- I am seeing that bringing humor to the process is important, too. Imagine, if you will, the day my daughter arrives home with her “baby” from child education class. As part of the curriculum, she must tend to this child for a full, 24 hours - taking it wherever she goes. This $700 infant look-alike was pre-programmed by her teacher to cry on cue, round-the-clock. It was my daughter’s job to discern if it needed to be fed, burped, and/or have a diaper-change. Sitting in my backyard studio writing late one afternoon, in walks my daughter - blonde, blue-eyed and 5’10” - carrying an infant car seat with the precious, tiny, black, four-week-old “Baby Jamal.” That evening I drop my daughter and Baby Jamal off at her school for an evening event, and watch my daughter walk past a group of teenage boys, who turned their heads glancing from Baby Jamal to my daughter, shocked by the scene in front of them. I drive away laughing, yet unsure if I like the idea of my teenage daughter being perceived even for a brief second as an unwed mother. Weeks later, I am again challenged to quickly find some humor when my daughter gets her learner’s permit, and I am asked to drive co-pilot, sitting white-knuckled with clenched fists as she maneuvers the road for the first time under my eye. In my sharing recently with colleagues and friends, I am finding we end many of our conversations in humor, laughing at the ways we have met some of life’s growth spurts—particularly after exasperated periods of self-discovery when all the inner searching finds relief in the more mundane moments. As world-renowned Dr. Norman Cousins, who used humor to heal a crippling and extremely painful inflammation of his body, said: "I made the joyous discovery that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep."
Additionally, humor has a positive impact on our intellectual and emotional functioning, by:
It is my hope as I continue to grow as a mother, friend, coach, teacher, writer, consultant, and partner that humor continues to expand my being. And for our new world we are embracing, I pray that love, joy and lightness replace all the darkness and fear so many of us have experienced. This month, I share with you below a guest article about humor from my friend Daryl--who has walked through darkness to light--and helps others in his unique and funny way, do the same. Enjoy.
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| Featured "GUEST" Article | ||
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Daryl, a former seminarian, stand-up comedian, and singer, who now works in IT as a network administrator, is a devoted father of two wonderfully happy children and believes humor teaches us to be whole by expanding our vision beyond what we already know. He also believes that life is better served when we have pie on our faces rather than egg. Daryl has used humor to overcome a traumatic childhood—and to help others move beyond their own pain and challenges. He delights in bringing joy and laughter to the world. His keen intellect and quick wit allow him to instantly reframe many of life’s twists and turns. His poignant story of bringing his gift of humor to others follows. How do you tell an elephant from a grape? Humor is sly and cunning. It slips into our thoughts and causes us to reflect on several things. The first and most important is a common knowledge of the subject--an assumed stereotype or fact about which we all know. For example, we all know what grapes and elephants are and what they look like. Would this joke have worked if it went like this: How do you tell a platyhelminth from a grape? Your mind immediately would try to identify the two and make a comparison. In this case, the question you’d ask yourself is “What in the world is a platyhelminth?” I grew up in a typical family—in other words, a dysfunctional family. There were very few memories of laughter during my upbringing, so it was odd that I was blessed with a wit and capacity to embrace laughter and offer it to others. I know that I use humor to challenge my own perceptions of the normative. Why was I never allowed to be a child and forced into the role of a substitute parent beginning at the ripe old age of 5? Was it because my mom forgot to pick up the latest edition of “How to Raise Healthy Children” and instead purchased “How to Take Away Your Children’s Youth, Before They Take Away Yours!”? My father’s idea of parenting was to do it remotely. He wanted to work from home, just not ours. I grew up in a working-class, poor city just outside of Boston. Single-parent homes seemed odd to most in the suburbs but it was the norm for those of us who lived in Somerville. If one of our friends had both parents, to us, it just meant you doubled your chance of getting caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do. We didn’t view our upbringing as strange because most of us never knew anything beyond the confines of our neighborhoods. Abuse was rampant in all its various faces--verbal, emotional, sexual, physical—with many of us growing up in extreme stress or neglect. It was only after we grew up and expanded our world that we began to see that this level of pain was not really the norm, it was just that we accepted it as such because we did not see beyond our perceptions. I suspect that you too were raised with some vital, unrecognized-at-the-time lessons: If we were to hear these words of “wisdom” when we were young…oh wait, we did hear them. Let me rephrase that, these lessons weren’t viewed as humorous when we were young, they were almost annoying. Their absurdity didn’t come to us until we were exposed to the reality of life and what the words truly mean. Within this newly-found context, we found the humor. I often used humor defensively to keep from getting in a fight by winning my enemies over with a crazy antic. I also used it to accept rejection, outwardly anyways; it gave a sense to others that I was strong and nothing really mattered. I would use humor as a wall, to keep others at a safe arms-length by answering their inquiries with sarcasm or wit. I would then make my escape before they had time for further interrogation. Those who knew me eventually found I was more like a Zip Loc bag--I kept everything in, but people could see right through me. Humor as a Healing Tool The point I am trying to make here is that humor has many facets. So how is humor used to help us heal, to move onward in the face of shame, anger, loss, fear, and sorrow? When we experience debilitating emotions and hold onto them, they own us. They are the cause of our angst and dissociative behaviors. Those same emotions hold the power and key to our ability to move forward and to grow from within. I was sexually abused by a neighbor several times during my pre-adolescence. For years I held this secret in and refused to let it rule me. This technique actually had the reverse effect. It consumed me from the inside out. I knew over time that a rage existed within me and controlled all the other emotions I was incapable of showing others. In other words, the abuse ruled all that I said, did, or breathed; it was my life despite my not wanting it to be. The more I ignored all that it entailed the larger and more consuming it became. Humor, when used in a healthy manner, allows us to take the power away from an adverse emotion or event. When we use it over time, it is an affirmation of sorts that slowly regains the inner power from our inner voice. It allows us to breathe life back into our being. In a sense, we are laughing in the face of adversity. Simply put, when we refuse to laugh at an issue or event because we fail to see the humor in our own hurt, we are allowing that same hurt to control or hinder our inherent ability to experience joy. When we learn to laugh, we open ourselves up to seeing the world as others do. We get to experience a piece of joy, one guffaw at a time. In doing so, we slowly begin to diminish the control that our emotions have over us; humor consoles us. We can step into the day with a new outlook. Instead of looking for ways that we are being sabotaged from within, the focus is now on how we can laugh at the absurdity of life and be a part of it, not apart from it. How can you tell if two people are married?
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BELIEF TIPS OF THE MONTH: |
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In looking at your life now, are there ways to put a different twist on the challenges you may now be facing and see that a little lightheartedness might soothe the soul as well? Here are some beliefs that may help you embrace more humor, laughter and pleasure into your being:
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COMING NEXT MONTH: December’s feature article will be “The many flavors of STRENGTH.” |
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To contact Gail: |
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