Bridges
****
“There is great adventure in the unknown that propels us to discover
powerful parts of ourselves that we didn’t know were there.”
--Susan Jeffers, Ph. D., author of Embracing Uncertainty
…Breakthrough Methods for Achieving Peace of Mind When Facing the Unknown
****
The “unknown” can be scary, which is why people often stay in jobs or relationships longer than is necessary or in the best interest of their highest selves. Sometimes, before we can feel secure in our new roles and centered within ourselves again, we are graced with “bridges”—people or opportunities that help us gently step up to the new expression or higher realm of our being.
At different transitions in my life, human angels appeared seemingly out of nowhere to help me move on to the next stage of my journey. A business acquaintance unexpectedly dropped by with a sweet fairy ornament symbolizing “protection” the first weekend I was single and alone in my marital home. She “knew” the terror of those first days starting over as a single mother, having already been divorced four years earlier than me.
That fairy hangs today in my downstairs bathroom as reminder that we are never alone, not now, and not ever, even when we move forward into unknown territory without evidence of visible support.
Another woman made me a gorgeous patchwork quilt for my newly decorated bedroom, which perfectly matched my décor, although she had never even seen my room. This synchronistic event guided us later into many other connections through our evolving friendship. That same woman was one of many dear friends who walked me through the grief of a dying parent. She is now helping me as a buyers’ broker find a new home, one where I will celebrate living with my children as a more visible, engaged and fully expressed woman.
In dating, each man I’ve met these past few years has helped me further claim my fullness by teaching me to discern better what is compatible with my needs at this point in my life. These men mirrored back to me my own internal growth, from feeling vulnerable as a newly single woman in midlife (hence attracting equally vulnerable men), to the more grounded and empowered woman I’ve become. I now find from within the security I used to look for externally. As a result, I’m less tolerant of those who try to lean on me for my strength instead of engaging in a mutually reciprocal relationship.
“Bridges” serve another key benefit. They help us from settling for less than what we deserve while we are building or rebuilding within the new foundations required of our next level of growth. For example, the date with a handsome man may remind us of our own attractiveness or inner beauty that we neglected while caring for others. The new friend who is sweet or fun may help us recall our lighter, more joyful sides. The job that is social may capture our extroverted energy which was dormant as an at-home mother isolated with young babies.
I know I’ve served as a bridge, too, both as a friend and a coach, helping others see themselves or express themselves in new ways while they wobbled through life change. Understanding the fragility that comes with transition, I care with compassion. Those friendships that endured have a solid level of trust, integrity and mutual respect. Those who took advantage of my state of “weakness,” while building a stronger inner core, vanished as the purpose of our connection was complete.
Many work opportunities served as bridges, too. Certain workshop experiences led me to new clients and speaking engagements; other projects ended briefly as the connections were out of alignment.
As a coach, I’ve witnessed numerous clients confront the uncertainty of the unknown, making great strides forward through their own “bridges.” One client, a gifted mother, accounting manager and entrepreneur, just made her theatre debut - pursuing an earlier passion that she tossed aside for years to care for others. Her courage to get back on stage, and reclaim HERSELF, will lead her to many other breakthroughs, I am sure.
Another client who is also a friend just changed jobs. The previous “practice run” (which is how she described her bridge) at another place of employment allowed her to build the skills and confidence to secure a more lucrative position in a joyful environment.
Our gentle acceptance of the unknown makes us stronger, for it creates openings not only for new ways of being, but for allowing in the love and support of others. Self-reliance is healthy, but so is the ability to accept “bridges” that help us become our best and most enlivened selves as we continue to integrate our own sense of power.
With joy,
Gail
Featured Article
Welcoming Spring —The Inner Contrasts of Seasons
“People are subject to seasons just like every living thing. We go through the optimistic growth of spring, the flowering fullness of summer, the shedding of autumn, the dormancy of winter. Our seasons, however, are internal. But because we aren’t taught about these seasons, when fall and winter descend on us, we are plunged into despair and self-doubt. We’re convinced there’s something wrong with us, rather than understanding that this process is how we grow and mature—what is no longer serving us has to die off so that the new can emerge….When we understand that our dissatisfaction or unhappiness in love or work, for instance, are signs that we are shedding what is no longer working for us, we rest in the awareness that under our loss or despair is the promise of growth.”
—From Trusting Yourself by M. J. Ryan
Like the weather this winter, a lot of my clients have experienced some “dark” times, when their more joyful selves felt challenged by feelings of despair. Even those who are quite skilled at reframing negatives into positives were taken aback by feeling stuck in a place of apathy and confusion, or in feelings of hopelessness.
Rather than judge these “off times” when life isn’t flowing as smoothly as we hope as “bad,” I like to think of this type of “season” as a rerouting opportunity. Yes, our thoughts (and beliefs) create our reality and surrounding ourselves with positive energy helps align ourselves with more positive outcomes.
Yet, in our humanness, we have many emotions. Learning to channel them is important, but to discard immediately the less than favorable ones without first holding them up to inspect how they might be serving us prevents positive growth as well.
The negative ones often teach us where we have walked in the past, what no longer serves our higher level of being, and how we might desire to change in the future to create a more fulfilling outcome. Like detoxifying the body from a bad diet, feeling and releasing negative emotions helps purge the mind to create anew.
Respecting all our feelings is important. So, too, is giving ourselves permission to release those that have served their purpose by “dealing, not dwelling.” Through quiet and reflection (and sometimes through the mirror of another), you will learn from the deepest center of YOUR being when it is time to welcome another season of your soul.
May your “spring” be filled with light and all the other possibilities that come forth with rebirth.
BELIEF TIPS OF THE MONTH
Are you so busy and distracted that you don’t know what you are feeling? Is it uncomfortable to stop and “be in your own skin?” What belief might you hold about yourself when discomfort sets in? (that you cannot handle the pain, that the negative emotion will last forever, that you’re “bad” for feeling less than perfect and happy, that you’re stronger than any negative feeling, that you’re an optimistic person who doesn’t need to “go there”?, etc.).
Try, if you like, focusing on these beliefs for a few weeks and see if they help you accept more of all of your emotions:
- I allow myself to know it’s OK to allow negative feelings to pass through me.
- I allow myself to know I am not my emotions—I am larger than them.
- I am a child of God.I allow myself to accept the fullness of my being.
- I allow myself to be vulnerable, knowing I can handle both my tenderness and my strength (which are often one and the same).
- I allow myself to “be” where I am at, allowing for new possibilities to come forth when I am ready.
- I allow myself to be supported in feeling all of my feelings if need be.
~ ~ |
