February 20, 2008 |
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Monthly Support
& Guidance For Manifesting Change From The Inside Out Helping You |
Teacher, Author & Life Coach |
SUSPENDED
**** —From my good and wise friend, Leslie Aisner Novak, artist, **** My house is on the market again, and unlike last summer when I first tried to relocate, I am totally detached from the outcome. I am also detached from the media’s perception of the market, and even other realtors’ opinions, knowing the value of a private setting like mine is subjective. (Besides, twice before in life I’ve received home offers significantly higher than recommended listing price.) Now, I am living in the moment, anticipating that the plan life has for me could be grander or smarter or even more fulfilling than what I envisioned for myself. This state of suspension, at first uncomfortable for the “go-getter” in me, has become a delightful adventure. The house I originally wanted to purchase last year has become more affordable and other possibilities have come forth, too. I no longer need to know the exact home in which I will be living, keeping the possibility of renting temporarily as an option, too. I hired someone to help sell my home this time, finding a builder-turned-realtor, who, like me, thinks “out of the box.” He shares my standards of excellence and has gone the extra mile to bring added value to my home and additional support to me. Surprises abound in this state of suspension, too. The other day, feeling lonely and sad about my children’s upcoming vacation without me, a very thoughtful man perceived my angst. In a spontaneous gesture of kindness, he drove through torrential rain to bring me lunch. That one action taught me that vulnerability is healing, too. You don’t have to have it “together” all the time and be all-knowing. I was feeling lost that day in a different type of suspension — letting go of my traditional concept of “family vacation” — and received greatly by letting down my guard. The weekend before, I was in suspension, too, when I shared with two coach friends my fears of selling my house. Their guidance helped free me from some self-imposed shackles, enabling me to embrace this new adventure with excitement. As my friend Deb Busser, a talented coach, notes: “The willingness to be with whatever comes next actually results in much more energy moving. So it is a funny paradox that by being in ‘suspension’ you are actually allowing more movement. You just don’t have to be actively and mentally directing it.” I continue to hear stories from clients and friends who are living more joyfully by letting go of their plans and preconceived notions of how life is supposed to evolve. One dear friend has fallen in love with a man who in no way matches the physical attributes on her list of “soulmate” qualities. This relationship is more than she anticipated, for what fulfills her heart goes far beyond the chemistry portrayed in the stereotypical images of the “ideal male physique.” Another male friend of mine with grown children is now co-parenting a young child—not something he expected to do at this stage of his life. The “surprise” for him is that he has been given a son he himself never had in his previous marriage. Living in suspension is a balancing act between trusting your inner knowing and guidance while giving yourself permission NOT to know or will outcomes. The miracles occur in the midst of the two. To learning this new dance… With delight, Gail
Featured Article
Living Happily Now “I would rather have eyes that cannot see, ears that cannot hear, —author Robert Tizon as quoted in Happy For No Reason Like learning to live in suspension, and taking in the gifts of not knowing, happiness can be “practiced” as well. Living happily doesn’t come by finding that new home, new mate, new job or anything external. Rather, it comes by overturning some learned behaviors and choosing right now to be happy, regardless of your current circumstances or past. Christopher André, French psychiatrist, describes in the March issue of ODE Magazine, an evolutionary reason why people are more naturally gloomy. “When we were all still hunters and gatherers, a certain degree of concern was useful. It was prudent to remain alert to dangers and problems, which is why we’re geared to focus on the negative,” he said. To retrain your mind to be happy is hard work, which can be pleasant he noted. “Working on happiness acts as an anti-depressant,” he says. André recommends six steps:
Author Marci Smirnoff, in her newly released book Happy For No Reason, reports many similar findings. She writes, “Two of our greatest barriers to happiness, fear and anxiety, have been hardwired in us for millennia to ensure our survival as a species. In today’s world, however, that old wiring has become more harmful than helpful.” In her research she found that the happiest people have different habits, and that it is possible to train our brains to be happy. In fact, she stresses PRACTICING, NOT CHASING, happiness. One of the key ways to practice happiness is to learn in to LIVE IN THE PRESENT. The happiest people let go of wanting “more” and believing “I’ll be happy when…” Allowing yourself to expand, believing the universe is out to support you, and appreciating the happiness that already exists in your life are three guiding principles that the “100 Happy People” she interviewed lived by. In looking at disappointments, she offers wisdom by quoting a friend of hers: “Rejection is God’s protection.” Often unwanted outcomes end up being blessings, she says. Smirnoff suggests three empowering habits to practice for enhancing your happiness:
Happy people, she says, let love lead their lives. “Although they have the same kind of fears, pains and disappointments as the rest of us, they simply have different habits that allow them to keep their hearts open in their daily lives,” she writes. Focusing on gratitude, forgiveness and spreading loving kindness help open the heart.
Are there ways you are still living as a victim of circumstances or past conditioning? Can you choose one thought that would make you happy right now in this moment? What resistance do you have to embracing happiness? You may want to try incorporating some of these beliefs about happiness.
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COMING NEXT MONTH: March’s feature article will be “Welcoming Spring—The Inner Contrasts of Seasons.” |
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To contact Gail: |
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