Blog: BECOMING YOU--Your authentic self

“Winners take time to relish their work, knowing that scaling the mountain is what makes the view from the top so exhilarating.” –Denis Waitley

Unwinding from the holidays, this limbo week between Christmas and New Year’s, I am breathing a contented sigh of relief that 2011 is coming to a close. Settled happily into the home of my soul after a tenacious year of being on the line, feeling increasingly comfortable in my new skin, I am pulling in—just as nature prompts its animals to do in winter.

With gratitude, I sense a new hope in this time of integrating between the old and new. This past year, more than many others, I have watched as a friend and coach some of the kindest, smartest, highly motivated and most loving people persist through relentless challenges.

In effect, most were scaling new mountains, and the results of reaching for new heights within their lives are just starting to become visible.

These are some of the ways I have been blessed to observe others “scaling the mountain”:

 • Acquiring patience to wait for right opportunities versus settling in a moment of panic.

• Moving cross country to embrace a climate more conducive to emotional and possibly financial well-being.

• Stepping bravely into unfamiliar territory by changing careers mid-life, and following a new path that is more in alignment with one’s authenticity and life purpose.

 • Confronting health challenges with a joyous attitude despite chronic daily pain.

 • Falling in love with a new type of person than one has been conditioned from the past to accept, by risking keeping one’s heart open to another whom courageously, honestly, lovingly, willingly and consistently shows up in relationship.

• Learning exquisite self-care first to better tend to those who are sick or elderly.

• Claiming and standing in one’s value by requiring to be paid well for one’s gifts, skills and talents.

• Setting boundaries and saying “no” to those who take too much.

• Welcoming reciprocity and appreciation.

• Instilling fun, relaxation and downtime into a previously workaholic lifestyle.

• Delegating responsibility versus managing solo.

 • Surrounding oneself with thoughtful, considerate and passionate people and letting go of those who cannot cherish, support and be there in emotionally healthy ways.

• Accepting help, knowing it is a sign of strength to know we are all connected and have unique contributions to share.

Most of these “mountain climbers” learned that sometimes they needed to come apart before coming together in new ways, or allow themselves to be redirected from the plan they carefully crafted for their lives. The career or lover they thought would serve them may only have been a stepping stone, or a distraction, from a more fulfilling destiny.

For all who engage in new climbs to the top in 2012—whether it is an internal shift in thinking or an external event like a new job–my wish for you is to remember to appreciate the wildflowers along the way, and the people who share the journey with you.

 Happy New Year.

With delightful anticipation,

Gail

A special thanks to the generosity of Justine Shedd Shaffner, who provided today’s mountain photo. Justine and her family love hiking, especially during the prime wildflower season (7/15-8/15) in the high country of Colorado.

And all through the house, I longed to be calmly centered, cherishing a few quiet moments to truly embrace the gifts of the season.”

 Forcing myself to listen to the inner need for peace, I stopped the frantic shopping and racing around to hear what is truly important.   I also am grateful to my client, who serendipitously postponed our meeting today, so he could join me later in the week when we both feel more present to our work together.

In silence, this is the holiday wish that came to me, to share with you :

A New Season of Life

 May the edges be softened, whether they involved harsh financial challenges or hearts hardened by fear and rejection.

 May the family before you be inclusive, accepting each person’s uniqueness, flaws and all.

 May forgiveness be given generously, to others and ourselves, as we learn each day how to love a bit better.

 May the present moment be embraced for its purity and the chance to create anew.

 May new possibilities for greater joy, prosperity, health and love arrive daily.

 And, as a romantic who loves the thought of a white Christmas, my last quick wish:  May the first snowfall be gentle, and ideally arrive on Christmas Eve after everyone has arrived safely home.

 With love and blessings,

 Gail

PS–and these wise words are the quote I’ve  chosen for today:

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. “  ~Author unknown, attributed to a 7-year-old named Bobby

The berries in Beth Shedd’s photo represent to me a new season of life, where nature blesses us with another round of bounty.

“Nature often holds up a mirror so we can see more clearly the ongoing processes of growth, renewal and transformation in our lives.”

 –Mary Ann Brussat

A personal note from Gail:  My apologies to all who patiently tried to open, and then re-open, last week’s blog post or visit my website, www.SupportMatters.com, which was intermittently disconnected. 

Like the name of my first book, To Hell and Back (…Healing Your Way Through Transition), I felt like I revisited some fiery times and came back with new perspective this Thanksgiving.  The four days of planned rest turned into being a nightmare of technical challenges, where I thought I lost a good deal of my writing, website content, and all of my subscribers, a database that has taken nine years to build.

To distract myself after working nearly 20 hours on the website server problems, I went to yoga, walked hours on Crane’s Beach enjoying unseasonably warm weather under gorgeous pink skies, played tennis and cried to a few friends, showing some of my deepest vulnerabilities. 

 Not only did I pamper myself, but I learned a lot about what feels comforting from others, and who can really be there emotionally (if not physically) through sharing my sense of despair and less-than-perfect self.  Those who offered kind follow-up calls or email check-ins touched me deeply.

 Additionally, the contrasts of challenges in others’  lives put my own angst in perspective.  As I was fretting over losing a good portion of my work, I learned a sweet neighbor had just given birth to a Down’s syndrome child who was on a respirator.  My “problems” suddenly seemed small. 

And, in truth, the professional gift I gained was new perspective on my time. I am now choosing to write my blog twice monthly versus every week.    Rather than whittle down the quality and eliminate the coaching I provide within my writing, I am opting to keep the depth but offer my blogs less frequently.

 Below is last week’s post again, for those who could not open it.  Little did I know then, that one of the people I thanked within– Donato Dandreo of www.startcompeting.com– was the person who “saved” my website, blog and subscriber data base, when all others who tried could not.

 Enjoy (again or for the first time)! I’ll be back in two weeks.

 THANKSGIVING BLOG POST:

Gathering in for the holidays

…with gratitude in sharing my journey

 “Go within every day and find the inner strength so that the world will not blow your candle out.”

 –Katherine Dunham

 After sharing so much of my life through writing and the increased visibility I have received as a coach, I am drawing within this Thanksgiving.

 Rather than giving and sharing from the heart, which are the ways I feel most comfortable communicating, I am standing back for a while and listening, observing and accepting each moment before me—whether it’s a quiet walk on the beach or sitting in a roomful of friends toasting with gratitude our blessings of the year.

 I thank my children, clients, readers, friends and dates for their patience with me as I grew new wings, this past year in particular when I put myself on the line in many new ways. 

 And I am grateful for the support of those who technically made this dream blog of mine come true—Nancy Wolff Leary, Donato Dandreo, Marj Elliott, Beth Shedd and Beth Scanzani.  They say it takes a village to raise a child.  Well, this blog has become my baby, and it has taken a community to bring it to life.

 Happy Thanksgiving to all.  May you feel the blessings of your loved ones–and be grateful and show appreciation to those who touched your life. 

 Or, in the words, of John F. Kennedy: “As we express gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.

(Author Unknown)

With gratitude,

Gail

 Beth Shedd’s photo of the candles on her Thanksgiving table reminds us to find soothing places where our light can shine and allow us to express our gratitude.

…with gratitude in sharing my journey

“Go within every day and find the inner strength so that the world will not blow your candle out.” –Katherine Dunham

After sharing so much of my life through writing and the increased visibility I have received as a coach, I am drawing within this Thanksgiving.

Rather than giving and sharing from the heart, which are the ways I feel most comfortable communicating, I am standing back for a while and listening, observing and accepting each moment before me—whether it’s a quiet walk on the beach or sitting in a roomful of friends toasting with gratitude our blessings of the year.

I thank my children, clients, readers, friends and dates for their patience with me as I grew new wings, this past year in particular when I put myself on the line in many new ways.

And I am grateful for the support of those who technically made this dream blog of mine come true—Nancy Wolff Leary, Donato Dandreo, Marj Elliott, Beth Shedd and Beth Scanzani. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, this blog has become my baby, and it has taken a community to bring it to life.

Happy Thanksgiving to all. May you feel the blessings of your loved ones–and be grateful and show appreciation to those who touched your life.

Or, in the words, of John F. Kennedy: “As we express gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary

Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings.

(Author Unknown)

With gratitude,

Gail

Beth Shedd’s photo of the candles on her Thanksgiving table reminds us to find soothing places where our light can shine and allow us to express our gratitude.

 …living in reciprocity

“Tsze-Kung asked, ‘Is there one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one’s life?’ The Master said, “Is not Reciprocity such a word? What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.’”—Confucius

Accustomed to sharing with a high degree of give and take, I was recently disappointed by a few people who let me down.

“Lower your expectations and don’t take any of it personally,” were the words of advice I received from a few friends. We all slip up, and have times when we cannot follow through on commitments as we hoped. Life circumstances sometimes thwart our best laid plans.

The type of disappointment I am feeling here is deeper as it involves the hurt at discovering someone is not who they said they were, or sadly, who I believed them to be.

In continuing to dig deeper, I am mostly disappointed in myself for once again trusting too easily in the goodness of another– a flaw of mine that goes way back to when I was a little girl and naively believed that like Santa Clause, everyone would bestow their best gifts on me.

Sometimes, people want to TAKE our best gifts—whether it is our business expertise or our caring nature–without giving too much in return. In these cases, we owe it to ourselves and our sense of self-esteem to set boundaries—or disengage altogether from someone who does not show up for us with integrity, by consistently failing to do what they say they will do.

The “givers gain” slogan of a business networking group to which I belonged, designed to inspire group members to get referrals for one another, may sound inspiring.

Yet, it has been my experience that innately generous people do not need to be told to give. Rather, some of us (women in particular who have been conditioned in early life to consistently put others’ needs ahead of their own) are fine-tuning our discernment skills and choosing more balanced relationships. We also are searching for the right balance in the ways we give.

To give to get back lacks authenticity, as it has a built-in expectation that operates like an ultimatum. The underpinnings of the “I’ll scratch your back, if you scratch mine” mentality feels more like a business deal than a genuinely caring relationship where the scales of who does what for whom often fluctuate.

Yet, if we give too much of ourselves without being replenished by those with whom we share, we can end up feeling burned out, exhausted and resentful—or worse, used.

Choosing to surround ourselves with people of character, which often takes time upfront to discern, is one of the best ways to ensure we will be met halfway in mutually beneficial relationships. The attached list of six character traits to look for in a man from author Barbara DeAngelis could easily apply to both genders (Six Important Character Traits).

Living on a two-way street of give and take also requires we consistently fill ourselves up so we come to others in our fullness and integrity, without ulterior motives. Allowing ourselves to receive the gifts of another is one more essential ingredient to experiencing more mutually balanced relationships.

BELIEF TIPS OF THE WEEK:

1. I allow myself to give and receive from integrity.

2. I allow myself to discern the character of those with whom I associate.

The series of fountains in Beth Shedd’s photo remind us of the balance between replenishing ourselves and sharing our gifts. We must be filled with what we wish to share, and remain open to receiving genuine care from another.

 WRITING SERVICES OFFERED:  Based on 30 years of journalism and PR expertise, Gail is frequently asked to write bios, new releases, website  content and blog copy for her coaching clients.  She is now offering these services on a consulting basis to the public.  If you would like help with any of your writing needs, contact Gail at 978-887-1911 or email her at gailjones@supportmatters.com

…Re-direct your life with a smattering of options

“Imperfect action is better than perfect procrastination.” –Author Unknown

Many of my friends and clients (and me included) have been in what seems like an interminable holding pattern, waiting for something “big” to break.

Suspended, we are acquiring new levels of faith and learning to fulfill ourselves with positive words, nurturing support, and huge doses of self-love. Changing our internal mindset is critical to creating new outcomes in our lives.

However, we also need to take risks outside of our comfort zones into something physically new to shift our energy when we feel stuck. The “new economy” is thrusting many out of familiar territory. Creating multiple income streams is becoming the norm for entrepreneurs—as is finding diverse ways to express ourselves beyond “the-one-size-fits-all” structure of traditional 9 to 5 jobs.

Many of my clients are experimenting with shifting from blue-collar to white-collar work and vice versa. One friend, a former millionaire contractor, now dabbles in law. Another man, who once worked in a prestigious, high-six figure job, is contemplating manual labor.

Instead of resisting new avenues, we can view them as opportunities to find a fuller or more authentic expression of ourselves.

For example, I recently accepted a dream part-time job, working the front desk of a health club. In exchange for working at slightly above minimum wage, I get a free health club membership and unlimited tennis. The job is not exclusively about the perks or “the money” (although an upcoming college tuition bill is an incentive to earn extra income). Rather it is in alignment with my own vision board, where I imagined working in “a fun, social job” to offset the solitary challenges of the entrepreneurial life.

I also am using my skills as a former high tech PR executive to promote a band’s gig this weekend (PV AFTER DARK-11-12-11) which is a fun, new expression of an old way of marketing. I opted into this project because the band leader shares my dream of raising funds to extend self-esteem coaching to kids.

Increasingly, I expect we will see more people like the highly gifted, creative client of mine who defines herself as “a master of all trades.” Originally “stuck” because she could not pinpoint one job that would satisfy her professional needs, she is now experimenting with packaging her breadth of expertise to many entrepreneurs who could use all of her skill sets.

Experimenting and taking even a small action step towards “the new” helps us get unstuck. Online job or dating sites are only one method for reaching out. Physically leaving the house and being with real people in many different situations enlivens us even further.

The next job, opportunity or even date does not have to be “the one.” Yet, by exposing ourselves to new situations with positive expectations, we move forward energetically, gaining fresh perspective.

Today, and especially any time you feel stuck, do something new, without attachment to the outcome. Enjoy the diversity of people and tasks. Allow for possibilities to emerge beyond what you “think” is your direction. Trust in a bigger plan for your life. Your only job is to keep stepping to the plate, and saying “yes” to that which makes you feel alive—even when it presents itself as a smattering of options.

BELIEF TIPS OF THE WEEK:

1. I allow myself to try a diversity of options for building a career.

2. I allow myself to be open to multiple ways of expressing my talents.

3. I allow myself physically to be out in the world in new ways.

“He is who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning.” –Danish proverb

In our journeys towards independence, self-actualization and fulfillment, many of us forgot (or did not learn how) to ask for help.

I find that the times when I feel most stuck in creating anew, I am often trying to do too much on my own, from my own perspective.

When I get out of my own head and engage in the expertise of others, I feel lighter and more expansive, particularly as I intuitively discern which pieces of information are most helpful.

Listening with appreciation and respect, yet also honoring my own feelings of “rightness,” I gain valuable ideas. I also acknowledge more frequently when I resist feedback because it is not “my way”—or the ego insisting only I know best.

If I can allow myself to stay vulnerable, and really hear what is being said even if I do not like the message, I stretch in new ways. (The same loosening up works for intimate relationships—so much is gained when we let go of control and open to what is before us versus what we would prefer to direct.)

We do not have to do success alone, nor must we know all the answers. Our not knowing, in fact, opens us to wonder and even greater possibilities.

If you poll highly successful people, you often will discover that someone along the way mentored them, gave them a break or helped them affiliate with the right person or opportunity.

Right now, to bring about my dream for creating a market niche within my business, I know I need help. More specifically, I need a team to include:

• technical people who can build the systems to deliver in new ways the content I am creating.

• financial people who can guide me in creating a solid business plan or find grant money as a woman-owned business.

• mentors who can keep me on track and inspired to go the next level up.

• friends, and ideally a life partner, who believe in my dream and how it will serve the world in unique ways.

Each week, I set up new informational interviews and conduct more research, creating a part-time commitment to my dream so I do not lose my inspiration to serve in new ways. 

 A client of mine learned to say the following from an acquaintance in Sandler Sales Training: “I really need your help and truly respect and value your opinion. I could use a favor. Could we meet for coffee?” She said by approaching others with respect, and complimenting them on their expertise, she has had numerous people willingly and enthusiastically help her extend her network.

Being curious about and learning from others adds life to our dreams. Feeling supported helps us thrive and stay committed.

 BELIEF TIPS OF THE WEEK:

1. I allow myself to ask for help in bringing forth my dreams.

2. I allow myself to enjoy hearing another’s expertise, choosing which thoughts most resonate with my needs and intuition.

3. I allow myself to build teams of support around me so I can more easily thrive in success.

Beth Shedd’s photo of the joining of hands symbolically shows the strength we can feel when we reach out for support, which is particularly helpful when ushering in a new dream.

COACHING YOU INTO A NEW LIFE DREAM:

Work one-on-one with Gail clarifying your new dreams, instilling new thoughts, and creating a customized vision board that helps move you forward. For more information, call Gail at 978-887-1911 or email GailJones@SupportMatters.com.

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” –Alan Cohen

Like an artist applying paint to a canvas, you can create a new picture of your life that guides you forth.

In fact, whenever you hit moments of despair, endure another lonely weekend, or spend a sleepless night in financial terror as many have experienced during these tumultuous economic times, you can inspire new outcomes by dreaming anew.

Rather than engaging in a downward spiral of negativity, know you have ten seconds to intentionally shift into a more positive state of being. “Deal, don’t dwell,” has been one of my favorite mantras. And, if you still feel compelled to dwell, dwell on what you want (versus what you do not want or what has not worked).

The power to change your thought process IS within you. Train yourself to stop talking about what is not working in your life the way you hoped. (With gentleness and compassion know, however, there are certain life circumstances, like in grieving or letting go of an identity or a way of being that no longer serves you, that you may benefit from lingering longer in reflection and sit with some uncomfortable feelings before releasing them.)

You are not your current circumstances; they are merely a reflection of where you have been. Even the difficult or challenging ones served you, often prompting you to re-direct your work or love in new directions.

Beginning today, you can start again. The first step is to give yourself permission to look beyond where you are now and to ponder your ideal life. Play with the feelings of what the new you will look and act like, and who you will be surrounded with and what you will be doing.

Then, take daily consistent actions towards that vision you have of yourself. Getting out of your house will help you get out of your rut. Shake it up a bit. Drive a different route, wear a new style of dress, or initiate contact with a stranger as a random act of kindness, even if it is offering a simple warm smile. The Universe frequently rewards in like ways, or better.

Find the boldness within you to live life large. Diligently, even forcefully, ignore the fears and doubts that crop up whenever you step into creativity, whether you are bringing forth a new expression of yourself or sharing one of your God-given talents.

And if you need practical tips for truly bringing a new work of art forth, purchase The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women by Gail McMeekin—absolutely one of the most comprehensive books for staying the path towards manifesting a creative dream.

Being creative is sacred work; it connects you to Source, brings forth your uniqueness and sometimes guides you to your life purpose or legacy.

The most creative act you can do today, in this moment, is to own your thoughts of how you want your life to be. Then, with courage, take a step forward that reflects that thought. Let go of the outcome. Tomorrow, take another step forward. Once again, let go of the outcome. Let the picture come together in time, just as artists allow their creativity to flow.

See each new thought as a paintbrush. You get to pick the colors, vibrations, and feelings you want to apply to your own canvas of life. Mine are vibrant, connected and soulful.

BELIEF TIPS OF THE WEEK:

1. I allow myself to create the thoughts that help me bring forth new dreams.

2. I allow myself to take at least one action step a day that reflects the new thoughts I have about myself or my dreams.

3. I allow myself to sidestep fear and doubt, knowing I have the courage within to manifest my desires.

4. I allow myself to enjoy the bold new ways I am embracing life—and reward myself for stepping it up.

My favorite photo pictured above of the artists’ painting was taken by Jay Gramolini while strolling the back roads of Rockport, MA.   It helps me stay in touch with my dream of falling in love again and owning a simple and beautiful home by the sea, a creative sanctuary and gathering space for friends and family, filled with warmth.

COACHING YOU INTO A NEW LIFE DREAM:

Work one-on-one with Gail clarifying your new dreams, instilling new thoughts, and creating a customized vision board that helps move you forward. Her unique three-session “dream” package is available now through end of December. For more information, call Gail at 978-887-1911 or email GailJones@SupportMatters.com.

“Let life happen to you. Believe me: life is in the right, always.” –Rainer Maria Rilke

Drifting and floating along after a life-altering year of putting myself on the line in so many new ways, I am in touch with a new sense of freedom.

Fourteen new workshops, three speeches and thirty-two blog posts later, I have taken many professional leaps. Knowing I have done my part to bring forth new outcomes (which means honoring and acting on hunches, even when they forced me to leave my comfort zone), I am laying low and observing how the Universe partners with me. Magnificent connections, high profile possibilities and fun opportunities continue to appear. I also evaluate lighter, more social and playful avenues for expression.

Observing all before me with a slight sense of detachment, life is becoming intriguing, and at times, feels magical. Discerning more clearly about what lights me up versus drags me down, I am more protective of my time, and selective about the people with whom I associate. Considerate, thoughtful, and responsive people enliven me– as do work projects and clients who generously compensate me for my expertise and commitment to excellence. Listening more patiently to what feels like a “yes” or a “no,” I explore many options. By not willing answers, I trust in the wisdom of my body, not responding until it feels calm.

With a clearer sense of my value gained from increased feelings of peace and centeredness, I see the parade of people who have passed through my life from a new perspective. The gifts acquired from these relationships and the lessons learned all are part of my make-up now. Some helped me reclaim lost parts of my self; others taught me how to set better boundaries, assert my needs or instill more fun in my life. Before giving or tolerating too much now, I pause more frequently and tune into my gut instincts. Sometimes, I still need to forgive myself or others for not listening or responding carefully enough.

By nurturing myself in the same manner in which I advise clients (and doing some internal clearings of my own), I created new habits that I hope to carry with me in the increasingly busy days ahead. These are some of the ways I fill myself up:

• Send spontaneous notes of kindness and appreciation to others.

• Read uplifting material every morning and night.

• Break up routine by walking my dog in new places to expand my energy beyond my home base, from which I have worked 19 years.

• Indulge in at-home vacations, where I stay in PJs (God forbid UPS knocks on the door) meandering slowly through the day in quiet and at peace with no “to do” lists.

• Initiate contact and plan evenings out with old friends I have not seen in years, which is a great way to mark change and growth, and also get feedback. It is particularly great to have friends of the opposite sex who can provide other viewpoints on the male-female courting rituals (or lack of them sometimes).

 • Take new classes that keep my skills sharp or my passions alive. By playing instructional tennis twice a week I get to be a learner versus a teacher, which replenishes my giving nature.

From this increased sense of fullness, I am letting go more and observing which way the river of life is carrying me, accepting each moment as it unfolds. When I hear a whisper to act, I do. And in the times of waiting and not knowing which direction or option to pursue, I allow myself to be, disciplining myself to stay centered on loving thoughts.

To be carried forth naturally, I finally learned to stop pushing the river.

BELIEF TIPS OF THE WEEK:

1. I allow myself to be pulled along, listening and waiting quietly and lovingly for direction.

2. I allow myself to consistently nurture myself so I can better approach each person or opportunity from a greater sense of love and fulfillment.

Beth Scanzani’s photo of floating leaves on Lake Quannapowit in Wakefield, MA captures the soft contentment of allowing oneself to be held and carried by nature’s flow.  

LAST CALL FOR FALL COACHING ON THE SANDS OF CRANE’S BEACH

Sign-up now for a one-hour coaching session with Gail walking Crane’s Beach, and experience the breakthroughs and insights that come when moving in nature.  To schedule, call  978-887-1911 or email GailJones@SupportMatters.com.

“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change. The world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.”  –Marianne Williamson

A friend of mine just fell in love.  She describes her state of euphoria as one where she feels joyfully alive, deeply connected, safe and free from the anxious and insecure feelings she had in the past when she tried to direct relationships into being what she wanted.

Instead, this time, grounded in a solid sense of her unique self, and loving open-heartedly, she serendipitously met her new boyfriend the same day she sat on a rock overlooking Marblehead Harbor and declared she was done with shallow men.  In that moment, she became very clear and focused on the types of feelings she wanted to experience in a relationship: unconditional and adoring love, a deep spiritual connection, playfulness, and appreciation.

 Although she always had a strong faith that when the time is “right” her mate would walk into her life, on this day she went a step further.  She specifically asked God for help in clearing any beliefs that prevented her soul mate from entering her life.

Hours later, walking into a bar after a day of bike riding, wearing spandex pants and a baseball cap, she unexpectedly met her next boyfriend, a man with whom she instantly clicked.

And, as I have shared many times in hearing true love stories among my clients, the “package” arrived much differently than anticipated and was better than she imagined.  My friend’s new love is significantly older than she expected her ideal mate to be.  Had she seen him on a Match.com online dating profile, she said she would have bypassed him for both his age, and his profession, which is dissimilar to hers.  He also is divorced and has two children, life situations that did not fit her ideal as a never-married single. 

Yet, in letting go of her more detailed “wish-list” criteria for a single man without children, she was able to be more open to experiencing the feelings she focused on that day on the rock.  In fact, his life experience as a parent brings a depth to their connection, as she is passionate about her work with children.

 In surrendering (with some initial resistance) her ego’s external list of requirements, and opening to her heart’s wisdom, she says she has been expanded in deeply rich and joyful ways.  Choosing to stay unattached to outcomes, she is living in the moment, allowing in the profound gifts of this new level of connection.  

Another wise, happily married friend of mine said you know love is real, beyond the initial stages of infatuation, when you are willing to walk through fire for one another.   It is my sense that to be able to serve another at that level of care and intimacy, we first must be willing to walk through fire for ourselves. 

In other words, we each need to spend some time independently cleaning up our own internal saboteurs to open our hearts.  Empathy is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and we cannot truly feel for another if we are not in touch with our own feelings (even the sad, angry, frustrating or disappointing ones).

Another person cannot be a shortcut to our own healing–nor can work or hobbies if they are used as distractions to squelch our pain.  We each have to carry (or release) our own load.  Then, from self-love, together we can enhance each other’s journeys forward with compassion and joy.

 BELIEF TIPS OF THE WEEK:

  1.  I allow myself to walk through my own fire to prepare my heart and soul for the best of life and love.

 2.  I allow myself to be open to love that is grander than I imagined.

 Beth Shedd’s photo symbolizes the power of walking through your own fire before you can attract and claim lasting love.

FALL COACHING PACKAGES:

• “Attracting True Love” (a six-week coaching package of clearing limiting beliefs  done by phone) is now available.
• “Welcoming New Possibilities:  Letting Go/Letting In” (a three-session coaching package walking the sands of Crane’s Beach) is available through the end of October.

To sign up or learn more, contact Gail at 978-887-1911 or GailJones@SupportMatters.com