July 11 , 2007
Volume One
Issue Four

As we continue to slip into summer, and spend extended time outdoors, our playful sides sometimes awaken more fully.

For me, intense workouts at the gym have been replaced with more leisurely, early morning beach walks. The focus on managing my billable time has expanded to include "playing" with some "big picture" dreams and possibilities. By redefining productivity in this way, my "to do" lists have evolved into creative moments of introspection. These long, undefined periods are enabling me to plot new seminars ideas. An exciting lifestyle change is another option I am pondering.

Shifting from the faster pace I lived this past spring has brought moments of guilt, thinking I wasn’t “doing” as much.  Then, as I swim laps with my son or walk miles alternating between quiet and laughter with my daughter, I remember the value of this increased play time.

Play is a way for us to connect to one another and to lighten our spirits.  It’s not seasonal, although summer can invite us to be more carefree sometimes.  Taking time each day to “be” and not “do” enlivens us, connects us with our soul, and helps us be more present to others.

In play mode, I see more of my children’s spirits, and engage them in different types of conversations than “Did you take the trash out?  Clean up your room?  Finish your homework?”  Their humor and unique personalities catch my attention instead. 

Playful adventures likes spontaneously jumping in the car and taking a ride up the Maine coast with no final destination in mind, or searching for the most decadent chocolate ice cream flavor on the North Shore, add joy to our lives as well.  Another favorite of mine is a Frisbee toss at dusk on Crane’s Beach, followed by the once-a-summer-indulgence in clams at Farnham’s in Essex.

When we return to work, or to challenges confronting us personally such as caretaking elderly parents or planning for our child’s departure to college, we can come back with fresh perspective. 

Often, I find calls waiting for me from potential new clients or requests to teach my seminars somewhere.  Taking time to play enhances my coaching practice, both in the opportunities it presents and in the fullness from which I can engage with my clients.  I’m “there” for them refreshed, not depleted.

So, when I review my weekly calendar, and see that I have scheduled in time to play tennis, I know I’m on the right track personally and professionally.  Embracing play helps us stay enlivened.

With joy,

Gail

A key benefit of integrating play as part of our daily lives is that it allows us to surrender outcomes, and opens our minds to new possibilities we may not have thought about before.

In coaching clients who, for example, have been pursuing a new career direction or romantic relationship for a while without the result they hoped to attain, I will often tell them to take a break from “willing” the answer or person to appear. I urge them to let go and release their intention temporarily - to pause, and trust the issue will be resolved in its right time.

In his excellent book, Are You Ready to Succeed?, Srikumar S. Rao details a process for surrender which is quite helpful:

1. First, take all actions with a clear understanding of what you would like to have happen. Be unambiguous about what it is that you would like to accomplish as a result of them.

2. Consciously wish that all outcomes be beneficial for all parties concerned. This is important. Our competitive society trains us to think in terms of “winning” at the expense of others. It does NOT have to be so. Instead, actively and sincerely wish that there are no losers.

3. Recognize that your actions are simply one way of achieving the outcome you want. Remember that you have a limited understanding of all the forces at play and from that limited viewpoint have selected your course of action as the “best.”

4. Detach yourself from the outcome. Accept whatever outcome the Universe provides. Surrender to the Universe. It’s better for you if you cheerfully accept whatever comes your way. If you actually welcome the results wholeheartedly, your perspective on them will be transformed.

Rao stresses that detaching from the outcome is a skill—just like learning to ride a bicycle. He says your actions are within your control to a large extent. Outcomes are NOT. Reactions to the outcome are within your power—but only if you reach out and exert the control that you have. And this takes practice, repeated practice.

When you let go of anxiety about the outcome, Rao asserts, you will be amazed by how frequently you accomplish what you set out to do and how much more effective you become.

“With practice, it will soon seem as if the Universe is collaborating with you instead of thwarting you at every turn. And it is. It is as if the two of you are locked together in an elaborate tango. And you are,” Rao says. “This knowledge is exhilarating beyond belief….it may well take time before you see this happening routinely in your life….persist patiently. You cannot fail.”

BELIEF TIP OF THE MONTH:

If there is something you need to “surrender” and find yourself resisting “letting go,” look at what beliefs might be holding you back from doing so. Here are a few common underlying beliefs that keep people persistently willing solutions versus releasing outcomes:

1. I may miss an opportunity if I take a break (which is based on scarcity thinking and “lack consciousness”). If you challenge that belief and choose instead to know there is enough for everybody, and that we live in an abundant world, you can ease up on yourself.

2. I have all the answers. If, instead, you stay open to listening to many different type of possibilities from various sources, you may get even more than you first hoped for in what you were intending versus limiting yourself to past experiences or your own view.

3. I will lose income if I’m not constantly plugging away. Again, that is scarcity thinking. Surrendering can open up your mind to developing new ideas to create even more money.

COMING NEXT MONTH:

August’s feature article: “The value of empathy”

To contact Gail:
(978) 887-1911

gail.kjones@verizon.net

www.supportmatters.com
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