August 29, 2007
Volume One
Issue Five

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“There is often hidden power in the times when nothing seems to be happening at all. The times when the material world takes less precedence are times when the holy has more chance to breathe.”—Marianne Williamson, Every Day Grace.

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My house “sold” within two weeks of placing it on the market. The decision to move was prompted by many stirrings of my soul—the urge to simplify house maintenance responsibilities and have more time for fun, the desire to live in closer proximity to others and become more engaged in community life, the possibilities for expanding my business through new affiliations, and the enjoyment of being able to walk to a bustling downtown and the ocean as well.

To my surprise, my children wholeheartedly backed the choice. They, too, wanted the energy of a new lifestyle, another opportunity to express their identities in new ways. Funny how when we test our assumptions about ideas or people they are sometimes wrong. Initially, I thought I would not move until my children graduated from high school. I did not want to disrupt their “stable” lives in any way. Instead, they both told me they were “ready” for this new adventure. It became a family project preparing our house for sale, and we bonded more deeply as a result.

Then, quite suddenly, the deal hit a snag, and the sale of my home was delayed. The original cash buyer and other prospects since are now trying to sell their homes first before committing to acquiring mine.

Frustration and disappointment have mellowed into quiet acceptance. I’m “on hold” now, which is not always a comfortable place to be when you are a go-getter like me, used to making things happen. I’ve been told numerous times I am powerful at manifesting what I want. Some friends have even said I have “the Midas touch.”

Coincidentally (or not), many of my clients this past month have uttered similar tales of being stalled, stuck or “in a funk.”

As I’ve learned to reframe this “waiting” from being a burden to welcoming a gift, I see that indeed I’ve been divinely guided to integrate now the parts of myself longing for expression in a new home: my femininity and my spiritual essence.

For the past four years, I have been solo managing house maintenance and two acres of lawn care while running a business and single parenting. While I’m proud I learned how to care for it all, or find someone who can help me, my soul no longer wants to live in all this masculine energy.

Being “on hold,” I’m relaxing into my softer, playful, intuitive, radiant and sometimes enchanting feminine side. I don’t need to be physically in the new home to embrace these aspects of myself. I just need to keep creating space for them to be present wherever I am.

The old, more guarded self—where I lived with lots of logic—is coming down, too. A new openness is emerging, where I live life by moments, not by will, and I’m slowly trusting at a deep level that a power greater than me is working with me and through me in partnership. Building my faith muscles has meant pushing through a lot of resistance to let go of my ego’s desire to have something occur on my time schedule.

I wanted to move before my children started school in September, thinking it would have been an easier adjustment for them to begin anew at the same time as other children. They could care less when the move happens. The delay has allowed me to experience some much needed downtime this summer, too, socializing with friends who helped me celebrate my new decade of life. In the process, I’ve learned to receive love, really take it in, and know just as I teach my clients, that we are all worthy of being celebrated.

Now, I bid farewell to my home as I knew it, a place of retreat, healing and inner growth. The bucolic setting of the past thirteen years has served me and my family well. It was an oasis of sorts. It’s time for me to bring what I learned in solitude back into the world, knowing I carry within me the sanctuary I created.

And when I cross the threshold to my new home—whether it be next month or a year or two from now—I will enter it having already begun integrating the woman I intended to become. My ego was excited about the initial, fast real estate transaction, yet my soul is relieved it had time to ready itself for the move.

With joy,

Gail

“Empathy: The Ability to Share in Another’s Emotions, Thoughts or Feelings” (Webster’s New World Dictionary)

In teaching The Principles of “The Secret” (a widely publicized book and DVD featured on Oprah) these past few months, I encourage my clients to go deeper than the suggested steps of ASKING, BELIEVING and RECEIVING.

To manifest anew, you can benefit by first taking some time, maybe in solitude, to do some introspection to get CLEAR about what you want. Then, you need to discover any false beliefs that are holding you back from attracting what you want.

When you hit a “block,” or are put “on hold” as I have been this past month, I recommend you get in touch with your feelings about the matter at hand. First, feel what needs to be felt, then gently allow those feelings that no longer serve you to release. You don’t have to stay in negative feelings long to let them go. But to attempt to move forward, without first touching the emotion that has been triggered, often means we bypass the opportunity for transformation of a wound or past hurt.

Or, as Marianne Williamson so eloquently writes in Every Day Grace: “Our task is not to avoid painful emotion, but rather to transform it at its roots. And that we cannot do if we don’t go through the emotion authentically. Sadness has to be experienced in order to be transcended. No situation can be transformed until it is accepted as it is.”

I believe there is another equally important reason to get in touch with our feelings—to connect to the humanness of another. If we don’t know what we feel, how can we possibly empathize with another person? The richness of a relationship often involves an exchange of feelings, and the genuine care and concern of one another through both the ups and downs of life--supporting them in moving through their darkness and encouraging them to embrace their light.

We cannot be authentic to another until we are authentic to ourselves. Your feelings can be important guides. Listen to them.

BELIEF TIP OF THE MONTH:

If you are feeling anxious, instead of rushing ahead to avoid the discomfort, you may want to stop and ask yourself if there is any feeling that needs to be felt that is not being felt.

Then, see if there is any belief you may have around experiencing that feeling.

Here are some negative beliefs I’ve heard from those who fear feeling their feelings:

1. I can suck it up and move on; always have. I’m strong.
2. I’m afraid I will fall apart.
3. I don’t need to do that.
4. I’m afraid I will end up wallowing in my pain and won’t be able to move forward again.
5. I would feel naked and exposed.
6. I couldn’t handle what might come up.
7. It’s safer and easier to avoid them.
8. Plunging myself into work is more “productive.” I can't afford to "waste time" feeling my feelings.

And if there is fear around stopping to feel a potentially painful emotion, you may want to be sure first that you have established some support for yourself through a coach, therapist or wise friend. Also, trust that there is relief in releasing emotion.

In the meantime, here are some positive beliefs around befriending your feelings that you may want to instill:

1. The more connected I am to my feelings, the more I can connect to others.
2. My feelings matter. I matter.
3. I can feel and release my feelings with compassion.
4. I will be supported by a power greater than me in moving through and beyond my negative feelings.
5. My feelings are my friends…they guide me to make wise choices.
6. In releasing negative feelings by allowing them to pass through me, I create openings for greater joy and intimacy.
7. I am powerful both in my vulnerability as well as in my more outward appearances of strength.
8. I enjoy my full humanness and the ability my feelings give me to connect with another.

To contact Gail:
(978) 887-1911

gail.kjones@verizon.net

www.supportmatters.com
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